Poem: A cloud over my head.

A Cloud Over My Head
by Maclean Patrick

There’s a cloud over my head,
The kind that keeps you awake,
Pulls you along a string of dreams,
Annoying, a pest, the beholder of a head-ache,

There’s a frown on my face,
An up-side down smile,
The kind that brings tears to your eyes,
Tears of pain and all things vile,

There’s a hole in my heart,
The kind that comes from a fracture,
Pulling me deeper into the abyss,
A spiral of gray dreams; beyond measure,

There’s a cloud over my head,
The kind that keeps the frown on my face,
A swirl of gray measurable-less dreams and screams,
As I lie watching from this earthly space.

There was sadness in her voice, there were tears in mine.

The voice on the other end was cold. It had been like that for the pass few months. It’s been like that since the day she left.

She mouths her words, cold and sharp and I wonder why I bother listening to what she had to say. In being polite, I break my own heart. In being polite, I create another scar over a landscape peppered with broken shards and peeling wounds.

There is a lump in my throat and I can bring myself to ask her to stop. To stop and allow me to breathe and pick my heart of off the floor. I don’t have to hear this, I have heard it before.

But maybe I did need to hear it.

To clearly hear that it was really over and there was no moving forward nor back nor sideways nor upwards or downwards. Stagnant. Stuck. Paralysed.

I let her talk.

“I cannot see you again.” Pause. “Not even as friends. Or anything. I want you to understand.”

Understand?

What is there to understand?

Then there was sadness in her voice. As if it was something she did not want to do yet she still pushed ahead.

“Go to him, and leave me by myself,” I replied. “I’ll be ok.”

There was sadness in her voice, but she did not hear; there were tears in mine.