Me, You, Us

He was sixteen when he first saw her. Sixteen and bored and his mother had him attend a “summer” camp. Strange for a camp to be called a “summer” camp in Malaysia, which had just a monsoon and a dry season. Yet, “summer” camp it was, a collection of sixteen year olds sent to a out-doors camp in the quiet town of Sematan, with beaches to the front and a mountain to the rear. It was not a romantic getaway.

He barely remembered the camp, except for that one-day when he dropped a frog into the girls sleeping quarters, while they were bedding in for the night. The screams drowned out his own laughter, as panic ensued and frightened girls made for every available exit, whether door or window; it did not make a difference. The monstrous frog was going to slaughter them, digest them and make green goo out of their remains.

He exchanged high-fives with his laughing buddies as they stood behind the bush that grew along the front porch drain and then he saw her. This vision of porcelain skin, dimple cheek and a single braid cutting across her face. She had made it to the stairs yet tripped and fell. And in the chaos was being stepped on.

He leaped from his hiding spot, grabbed her arm and pulled her over to the side, as the stampede of girls rumbled down the yard and across the empty field.

Lights turned on and curious onlookers scrambled out to inspect the commotion. But it was all distant to him. He was here and here was with her.

“You want some chewing gum?”

Yes, the first words he spoke to her were about chewing gum. A pathetic first impression.

The memories of the camp were a blur, but he remembers writing her phone number on the wrappings of a stick of chewing gum. And losing that wrapper. And wondering where things would have gone, had he called her and told her how he felt.

This was the time before Facebook or Twitter, a time when phone stuck to the walls and not in your pocket. It was a time of change and though much changed over the years, the memory of her porcelain skin, dimpled cheek and that single braid cutting across her face kept appearing.

Fate did not give up on him.

He is thirty-nine now, and sitting alone at a table in a garden. He had stop smoking a year ago, and reverted back to chewing gum to curb the lustful sting for cigarettes.

And he smiled.

Nearing forty and with months to live, he reached out for support. Eventually meeting old friends from his child-hood and especially those with memory of that porcelain skin, dimpled cheek, single braid cutting across her face girl from “summer” camp.

He had scrawled her number on a chewing gum wrapper and this time, he kept it safe, tucked away in his wallet. He had called. She had answered.

“Do you still want the ice-bucket?” the waiter asked.

“You can take it away. But do bring another glass.”

The waiter smiled. Sixteen and already working tables, he thought to himself. I was sixteen and foolish. And I spent foolish years but at the time of my last year, I will make it right. His thoughts rambled along.

And then he saw her, porcelain skin, dimple on her cheek, with a streak of white hair cutting across her face. And he was sixteen again. And they were sitting at a table in a garden at a place called Summer House.



To answer with Joy – questions on relationship.

Joy asked me to answer the following questions and I’ve thought it would be good to share my answers with you guys and with Joy on my blog. These questions are about relationships and I’m being really honest with my answers.

What are the important qualities, you desire in a partner?
In a partner, I desire that they have a clear sense of self. They are sure of themselves and unafraid to be who they are.

They are driven, intelligent, articulated yet they are unafraid to be sensitive and vulnerable. They are able to see the bigger picture of things, yet pay attention to the smaller things. Emphatic and graceful. Unafraid to take on a guy yet beautifully feminine at the same time.

I like someone who is willing to seek out new experiences in life, to live out life on the edge. To travel and see new places with me.

I like someone who can laugh at themselves. Not too take things nor themselves too seriously.

Why are those things important to you?
I like having a conversation and people with great conversational skills are always a blessing to have around. I like to share my thought with my partner, to have a safe spot in life where I know I am heard. As a human being, it’s important that I feel like I am heard because it means we are appreciated and acknowledge.

I want to enjoy life with my partner. I want to be able to go places and take crazy adventures with them and to laugh a lot, cry a bit and ponder what life can throw at us as we venture into the world.

It’s important to me that we can argue in the morning but by noon we come together regardless of who was right or wrong; just to celebrate the fact we have each other and that love is stronger than any argument.

List a number of reservations you have, when it comes to long distance relationships; in other words, what are your fears?
In a long distant relationship, I fear that the other person takes me for granted. That I am forgotten because I cannot be there with them. It is painful when someone stops loving you because you cannot be “there” with them. Is that a big enough reason to break someone’s heart?

If somebody wrote a list of things about you that fits theirs needs as a partner, what would that be?
A high-tolerable-nice guy with a mean ass alter-ego. To those that I love, I am fearlessly dependable, overly-loving and brutally nice; but break my trust or hurt me bad and I can turn nasty. I guess, there’s no two ways with me but I can be very tolerable towards those I love. And extremely forgiving to those who hold my heart.

What do you most enjoy in life?
The simple things in life.

I like reading a book, quiet conversations, long lazy walks, solitude with a love one, warm cuddles at sun-set, looking into the eyes of someone I love and telling them how much my world is captured in their gaze. Moments. I enjoy sweet moments with people. It doesn’t take much to make me happy.

What do you most appreciate about yourself?
My ability to bounce back from failure. There is an internal strength that I have, a force that kicks in when I am at my most lowest. It tells me to keep going on and to strive even if the odds are totally against me.

I appreciate my ability to stand on my own. To fight alone, if needed, and to keep walking the paths I have chosen. It’s an almost fearless attitude, to fight hard, to not fear death nor failure and to turn every little moment into a point of victory.

I appreciate the fact, that I am who I am and I am not afraid to be myself. I don’t conform to the norm, choosing instead to form my own identity.

I appreciate the fact that I am a thinker. I form my own opinions about a given topic and even if the conclusion may seem wrong, I am happy because I still was able to form an opinion and made it my own unique view of the world.

There you have it. I am so tempted to keep changing it, but that’s the editor in me screaming. So I’ll leave it as it is because the first thoughts of my head are normally the most honest replies I have.


Yes, couples make me sick too…

My dear friend Joy posted, “Things couples do that make you gag” and I agree with her totally. Yes, all this couple-ism makes me sick at times but its really interesting to watch and fodder for a writer. And, yes, some of the things I noticed about couples have made it into my books.

Go over to Joy’s blog and you’ll find it a great read.

Don’t you think couples can be really annoying at times? What do you think?

To Those That Don’t Understand, It’s Spelt ‘DEPRESSION’


“Let it go.” “Get over it.” “Move on with life.” “I don’t like the change in you.” “Just think happy thoughts.”

I’ve heard my fair share of comments. The comments are fair and spoken from well-intended motives. The people are sincere and trying their best to nudge me along.

But they got it all wrong.

I often dismissed this form of positive-emphaty as being the inability of the commenter to understand the true nature of the condition that has gripped me. For in all fairness, only those who suffer would know how it truly feels.

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Life and my iPhone ‘It’.


My current theme for my iPhone is the Crazybots theme. It supports many of the main apps and just look so darn cute. Gives my iPhone a personality, little men working in a confine space. Sounds like my office.

I’m actually taking up a challenge to cleanup my Homescreen as mentioned; interesting way to take up my time when I sit and stare at my iPhone. There’s just something alluring about an iPhone. Mystical even.

My brother was right, when he told me, “Once you get an iPhone, you’ll never look at another phone.” To date, I own a pre-own 2G iPhone (which I jailbreak every time a new upgrade coms along), my brother owns a 3G iPhone and my mother has 3GS iPhone.

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Do we set up our own hearts to be broken?

Do we set up our own hearts to be broken?

Why would we do the obvious? When the obvious is glaring?

Is it the thrill of knowing, the more you face the hurt, the stronger you will get?

What then is the answer?

Why, do we set up our own hearts to be broken?

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Two Halves Don’t Make One

There are things in life more important than love or for that matter romantic love. What about the idea of loving someone to just want to see them happy? The idea where one can be happy just because they love someone without expecting anything in return, has long intrigued me. Can it be possible? Is it a pipe dream? Or too hard a concept to put into practice?

We could throw our hands up in anguish and call it a foolish notion. Human beings are selfish creatures by nature. Forever self seeking, wanting to gratify their own desires. Yet we are creatures seeking fulfilment, seeking to fill that empty void within us with some form of meaning. Some manner of order of which we can truly say, we are fully satisfied with our lives. Unfulfilled, we continued on seeking; often times in all the wrong places, that which eludes us. The pursuit of happiness. The chase of a dream. The capture of an aspiration.

So do we really need to burden ourselves with the quest of love? Do we truly need to bind ourselves with a false sense of happiness tied into the persona of a frail being such as a man or woman? Can not one live on their own and still be happy?

If fulfillment is the ultimate aim for us, surely it is one we must find on our own first and then shared. So until one finds their own way, one should first refrain from seeking completion in another person, because two halves do not make a whole person. Rather, it takes two complete individuals to make up a whole complete relationship.

And that is the mystery.