Living a nightmare.

I had another bad night.

Trying to get a good nights sleep is a chore.

Often times I find myself wishing things would just end. Stop breathing and just stop the dull pain that eats away at my chest. Yes, it sounds stupid but unless you have ever been through it; you will never fully comprehend the pain one has to endure when hit with a depressive state.

I don’t remember when I eventually fell asleep, but I remember telling my mind to shut up and I focused on the sound of my own breathing. Eventually, I must have dozed off. Yet, it was a nightmare. Normally, nightmares strike us as we sleep, not when we are trying to get some sleep. Yet, I was stricken with a continual nightmare in trying to get sleep into my system.

And it is a struggle for me. My depressive nature strikes when I am least distracted. Yes, work is a kind distraction. It keeps me moving and busy and occupied from what ills me. But take that distraction away and I fall into a quiet state, then the nightmare begins.

My thoughts go hay-wire and memories and visions explode in my mind. I hear my mind talk and it scares me. Madness is a constant fear of mine. To have my mind descend into the abyss of insanity is not something I want, yet I seem to be edging towards that cliff with each nightmare episode.

The morn brought some rest-bite. And I am hoping things would be better. Yet, with about 5 hours sleep; I hope I don’t end up being grouchy in the office.

😦

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One Response to Living a nightmare.

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Living a nightmare. « Maclean Patrick – A Malaysian Writer Speaks about his Daily Nonsense -- Topsy.com

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