I’m Not Perfect, Neither Good nor Decent.

I’m not perfect.

Neither do I claim to be good. I am far from it. My life is a checkered existence. One, riddled with mistakes and idiotic nonsense. Atrocities I cannot undo not rectify.

I will pay for my sins. An account I will take up with my Creator. An account, I will answer alone and stand alone. With the universe as my witness and creation as my persecutor, I will give my account. Thus, I will hold my tongue (as best as I can) when fellow created beings accuse me or proclaim judgment on me.

I’m not perfect.

But now I want to admonish those who have smite me, rightly so because (obviously) they are far better than me. They are good people and good people have every right to speak out towards those whom are justly bad.

  1. Though I am bad and not perfect. I am still human. And as a human being that shares the spoils of the universe, I have feelings and emotions and dignity. At least respect those attributes. For at night, it is to these attributes that I must answer to. It is to my soul, I must give account and it is to my soul I cry and attempt to sleep.
  2. I exercise my free-will as you do. It is the one attribute human beings have, granted by the Creator, which heaven and hell listens to and longs for. Free-will. With free-will, I make choices and choose the paths I walk through life. It is one we all share, it is one we all exercise. And in the exercising of this attribute, who says we do not walk the path least taken or the one spurned on by others?
  3. If you choose to rebuke or admonish me then do so. But also as you do this, treat the weaker one(s) with a greater measure of grace and love. There must be balance. If you have to be tough on me, then be tender (too) to those whom you believe I have wrong.
  4. I have lost too. I have lost my standing. I have lost a measure of myself. I have lost. I have lost the support of those (I once thought) were friends. DO NOT DEFEND THIS. It is human-nature to shun those whom we dis-like. To stay away from what may ill us, that may corrupt our own existence. I have lost too. And most nights I sleep alone. Most days, I walk alone. Most moments, I cry alone. Even the universe listens in eerie silence. I hope you will NEVER know the measure of loneliness I have to endure.
  5. There are no 2nd chances in life. Only chances. I have learnt this. And once a chance is missed, it will not return to you. And nothing repeats itself in the exact nature it came in the first place. So thus, there are no 2nd chances to replicate a previous event. There are chances. And we take chances in whatever measure we can take them. I took my chances, some outcomes were favorable to me; others seem out-right stupid. Yet, I took the chances that life brought along my path. In this, I was being human.
  6. Not all things should be observed through a religious lens. Not all things can be explained. There will always be a mystery to the universe. And if one takes a path so mysterious, it adds to the mystique of living in this universe under the gaze of the Creator. And if you CANNOT understand why my life is such, why my life is a mystery to you then why have you not sat down with me to explore this mystery. If it is a mystery to you then it means you lack the information to build the knowledge set in your mental capacities. Remember a mystery is not a puzzle neither is a puzzle a mystery.

I’m not perfect, neither good nor decent. And I will never claim to be all that. I’m me. I’m Maclean Patrick. And though death visits me every night to listen to my answer, I choose to live. Dum Spiro, Spero. I hope you (good decent people) never have to go through what I have to live with. May your moments be ever pleasant and well.

I end with this poem from The Lord of the Rings. Written in Quenya with the English translation.

Namarie (Farewell)

Ai! laurië lantar lassi súrinen,
Ah! like gold fall the leaves in the wind,
yéni únótimë ve rámar aldaron!
long years numberless as the wings of trees!
Yéni ve lintë yuldar avánier
The long years have passed like swift draughts
mi oromardi lissë-miruvóreva
of the sweet mead in lofty halls
Andúnë pella, Vardo tellumar
beyond the West, beneath the blue vaults of Varda
nu luini yassen tintilar i eleni
wherein the stars tremble
ómaryo airetári-lírinen.
in the voice of her song, holy and queenly.

Sí man i yulma nin enquantuva?
Who now shall refill the cup for me?

An sí Tintallë Varda Oiolossëo
For now the Kindler, Varda, the Queen of the stars,
ve fanyar máryat Elentári ortanë
from Mount Everwhite has uplifted her hands like clouds
ar ilyë tier undulávë lumbulë
and all paths are drowned deep in shadow;
ar sindanóriello caita mornië
and out of a grey country darkness lies
i falmalinnar imbë met,
on the foaming waves between us,
ar hísië untúpa Calaciryo míri oialë.
and mist covers the jewels of Calacirya for ever.
Sí vanwa ná, Rómello vanwa, Valimar!
Now lost, lost to those of the East is Valimar!
Namárië! Nai hiruvalyë Valimar!
Farewell! Maybe thou shalt find Valimar!
Nai elyë hiruva! Namárië!
Maybe even thou shalt find it! Farewell!


2 Responses to I’m Not Perfect, Neither Good nor Decent.

  1. Sue says:

    Knew a person who was The Perfect One, The Best and Most Decent. However, he chose other wise that leads to self-ruined. Should those who judge (with love) be blamed for judging? Not all people are wicked.

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention I’m Not Perfect, Neither Good nor Decent. « Maclean Patrick – A Malaysian Writer Speaks about his Daily Nonsense -- Topsy.com

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