Depression and this Writer

I never thought I would fall into this state of mind but it happened. I was depressed and this was the reason I had turned cold towards my writing. I did not know it was depression and instead blamed other factors such as work, commitments and people as the reason to why I couldn’t sit down long enough to write a sentence. Yes, within the period of depressive foggy-ness, I did managed to churn out several short stories (most appearing on this blog) but my main project merely sat on the sideline.

Depression hits for no reason and your mind just fogs over and your motivation to do the things you love just evaporates, leaving you with this perpetual sense of emptiness. In the end, you feel as if you are merely a shell and life has ebbed it’s way to the twilight zone. Nothing seems right, you become sensitive and needy. Needy for attention or someone to understand but you full well know no-one can fully understand the state of mind of a depressive person. My mind and heart were locked in a bind of negativity. Nothing seemed positive and optimism became a curse word.

There were evenings I spent walking in my backyard, devoid of thoughts and merely walking. I viewed things with an emptiness, a detachment from what was real or fantasy. In this state, plants looked alive and the world just seemed a shade of gray. It was bad.

Yet, I knew all this and I am glad I had friends I could just talk to. People I could open up to and vent. And I also had my writing. I realized the most passionate of my writings were done when I was in this state of clawing myself out of my emotional black-hole. The stories were real and the emotions raw. Sometimes our very weakness is the source of our greatest strength. Our insanity is the root of our creativity, the source of the logic for which we write about and our readers get transported to.

In my depression, I wrote about the need for love, the strength of hope and the desperation of one who has reached their end. Maybe it’s good for me to walk in that dark alley called depression, if only to gain the stories but not to dwell in it.

Am I out of my depression? I don’t know because its a part of me, yet I know I can keep it in check and continue to write with passion due to it.

My short depressive state of mind

I’m going through a bout of depression. Just feeling “blue” over some incidences that happened last week. But it has given me cause to read up on the whole matter of Depression and it really is an interesting subject. I can clearly see why so many people with chronic depression choose to commit suicide. It is a really bad state of mind to be in. I realized, I’ve learnt to cope with this trait of mine in my late teens so I am able to function better now as an adult.

I think it was due to the fact I changed my thinking pattern and embarked on a quest for self-discovery at the age of 18. I came across Edward d Bono’s book – Lateral Thinking and it changed the way I thought about things. This coupled with the fact I took up meditating on Bible verses could have been the reason for my ability to cope with depression.

Being depress is not a good thing and no-one can really understand how it is, unless you are also a sufferer. For me things just become very slow and mundane. I do not enjoy doing the things I like and I end up sitting in a chair pondering or sleeping. I have since learnt to slow down my thoughts and to enjoy the simple things in life. To not take everything seriously and to know that life is worth living. Depression robs you of the joy for living and creates an unrealistic world where nothing is right and everything is wrong.

Yet, in this state of gray paint; I have found emotions to write. I find it easy to write about someone down on his luck and about living for hope or someone entertaining the thought of suicide. These emotions and thoughts are real to me and I merely chronicle them down onto paper for an audience to read. It can be said that my depressive state of mind is also the well spring from which my inspiration flows from.

My insanity is the cradle of my creativity.

So folks, our (perceived) weaknesses may in fact be our greatest strength as long as we learn to harness it to its full potential and shape it into the form for which we like. There is nothing wrong in being depressive as long as you can turn it into the reason why you love life with full zest.

I watched Accuracy of Death – GREAT movie!

I read the review and was intrigue by the theme of the movie. I watched Meet Joe Black (MJB), even with Brat Pitt playing the Grim Reaper, MJB sent people to sleep. But Accuracy of Death, which has Takeshi Kaneshiro playing a Shinigami (God of Death) is notches above MJB by the fact it asks us the question, Did you live your life to the fullest?

This is the question that stuck to me after watching it. I got hold of a copy of the movie, horrific subtitles and had to second-guess what the characters where saying through out the show. I’ll be watching out for the original DVD, just to catch what exactly was being said. The movie is hinged on the ability of Takeshi Kaneshiro’s to draw you into the Shinigami’s view of life and death. Ultimately, the Shinigami must decide, after observing the human for 7 days, whether death is warranted or life should proceed. He asks those he evaluate, Have you thought of Death? or Are you ready to die?

This is the central idea of the movie. Have you lived your life to the fullest or have you fulfilled the purpose you have on this earth? And when that purpose is done, it is time to pass on. At the end, death is a part of living life and not something that ends living. Unlike, the western concept of the Grim Reaper, who merely comes to pass death, the Shinigami can delay it, thus giving a 2nd chance for the human to pursue their purpose in life.

As a writer, the idea of life and death is something interesting to me. It warrants exploration and expounding for most people are afraid of death since death itself is perceived as an end to things. But what if death is a reward for living a fulfilled life? For at the end of the day, there is reason to say, I’ve done all I’m purposed to do and death is the natural thing to pass on to. There is nothing to fear. Nothing to regret.

So, I highly recommend this movie. It’ll make you want to live life with a purpose rather than scare concerning death. Besides, we’re all going to die, so why are we so scared of it?